You're not my guru: Breaking up with my psychic school
What happens when you’re able to access your own answers and no longer “need” your spiritual leader? This is a big deal among psychics, light workers and healers.
Over the past few months my psychic awareness has been opening up in really cool and bizarre ways. I’ve been in contact with high-dimensional beings (not controlled by them- there’s a big difference), have a better sense of symbolic meaning, particularly sacred geometry, as well as how energy and quantum physics works in general. My sense of time and space has altered greatly and I no longer think of time being so linear.
Needless to say things have been weird, but that’s nothing new for someone who is sensitive to energy like I am. And I’m completely ok with where I am right now. My energetic space has been a bit of a mess and that’s exactly what I’ve needed to be able to access necessary information and reset my energetic field in a new way. I can go way out of my body into other dimensions but also know how to come home into my body.
Speaking of the human body- my ability to see the inner workings of the human body such as organs, systems of the body, cellular memory and DNA expression has also heightened in a really meaningful way.
What’s most important of all this is I feel like I’m finally able to obtain my answers much easier without having to sit in meditation for a long time where I spend most of my time clearing out the resistance and controls in my energetic space, and most importantly, I don’t need to seek the “help” or “answers” from my clairvoyant teacher. I gave myself permission to have access to this higher level of information and that is a big deal. In other words, I'm no longer giving away my power to psychic teachers and am reclaiming it for myself.
My awakening to the game
Meanwhile, I was “working” (unpaid- more on that later) at the psychic school where I’ve received nearly all of my clairvoyant training, and my growth process has ruffled some feathers at my psychic school. I usually play it nice and aim to please, so when I started feeling on a body and energetic level my teacher’s disapproval and judgment of my ability to access high level information fairly effortlessly, I knew I was entering new territory. I had pissed off my teacher because I no longer looked at him as my teacher and certainly not my guru. No one is my guru. We all have access to your own answers and any good teacher should foment their students ability to access their own answers inside of them, not just from their teacher.
I noticed that I would be majorly bounced out of my body during staff meetings and when I had one-on-one meetings with the director who was my former teacher, and to add to the fun, I also hit a ton of unconscious energy, invalidation for my growth period and for not matching my energy to the staff and school’s energy, and for having and truly owning my ability to access my own answers. I also started getting mild headaches regularly.
The game
Once I cleared my resistance to getting whacked by these energies and found some amusement, I could clearly see that I was hitting a lot of controls I had from this school on many levels and the director was losing his space and neutrality as a result and his minions followed suit. I share this not to bash the school or my teachers there. I am forever grateful for the tools that they taught me and without those tools, I wouldn’t have the life, husband and daughter that I have today. I share this to shed light on the fact that many spiritual leaders invalidate their students as soon as they try to access their own answers.
That said, once I cleared the veil of unconsciousness I could clearly see the dirty energetic game the director was playing. And it goes like this: it’s all good and dandy when you’re a student. You get most of the information that you want- primarily from your teacher- and things are mostly light and fun. If they invite you to be part of their staff that’s when the name of the game changes to one that’s heavy with little amusement and your energy is invalidated so that the director can continue to be your teacher or “guru”. Moreover, unlike when you’re a student, there’s no space for the staff to honor where you’re currently at. The director sets the tone and you either match to his tone or the staff member leaves (on his/ her own will or forcefully).
That’s not all of it. I finally realized that this male director has horrible communication skills especially when dealing with powerful and sensitive psychic women. Once female staff stop letting him set the tone and see him as the ultimate teacher and start owning their own power, he gets flustered and invalidates that woman at a 4th chakra heart level as well as a 2nd chakra and womb level. The womb is one of the woman’s if not the most sensitive energy center, so invalidating a woman at the womb level makes it really easy for that person to lose her space and feel ungrounded. That’s when the director, or “guru” comes in to “save” the woman and tells her that her space and energy needs to be “fixed”.
Uh uh. Hell no! I wasn’t going to play that game.
He scheduled a one-on-one meeting with me- the first one after “working” there for free for three months giving readings and healings for free- to help me “get centered” and “get my space back”. He told me that I was vibrating at a vibration that was too high and out of the body and that it wasn’t working for me. He then questioned where I got my answers and said I was probably channeling from beings who were working through me but it wasn’t my own information.
Mind you I had had various readings from other staff and colleagues and no one said that my space was a hot mess like he did or that I was way out of the body hanging out in the 9th dimension of the leprechaun forest.
If I was “so out of my body” and if I had “really lost my space”, then why in the past month had I been invited to do a podcast interview, do post doctorate research with a prestigious university in France, integrate a ton of new information in a short period of time, create a new women’s workshop and space for myself outside of the psychic school? If I was really “so out there and not centered” then how was I able to smell the sweet flowers on the trees blooming, hear the birds chirping in the forest during my morning walks, sense on a body level my heart connection to my husband and daughter and nature, feel the difference in Earth energy when I walked in the forest from day to day and be able to smell the differences in energy in my home? What he said to me just didn’t add up to me.
I acknowledge that what he told me might have been partially true, but what he was really looking to to do was invalidate my space so that I would become ungrounded so he could come in and “save me as the ultimate teacher”. How did I know that? Let’s take a look at his language. All words have an energetic tone. His tone was very blunt and harsh. His words were not compassionate and came from a place of me being “wrong” for where I was at. Never a good way to communicate to a woman who has a sensitive and self-aware womb! He also wasn’t coming from a place of compassion for the energies I was handling and wanted me to feel wrong and broken.
He then failed to lead me through a cleanout of my chakras (he stopped at the 3rd chakra) and told me that I was resisting working with him because he is a man. I found that to be a very reductionist and inaccurate way of looking at the dynamic of our interaction, and he saw it as a dichotomy of woman vs man. As much as I love looking at dichotomies, that wasn’t the case and he was deflecting responsibility for his own energy.
The judgment
I kindly told him as neutrally as I could that I felt that I was handling a lot of judgment and invalidation for my growth period and for not matching to the school and for getting my own answers. I told him that I wasn’t resisting working with him because he was a man but rather didn’t appreciate that he looked at me as a broken woman and I was totally fine with where I was and me losing my space is the exact healing I needed. I didn’t need to be fixed. Period. End of story. I went to say further that I don’t appreciate any man telling me, a being with a female body, how I should run the energy in my body.
Sorry bro but the divine feminine is rising beyond male invalidation and stepping down into victimhood and instead we’re stepping into our bodies to understand it’s deep physiological interworkings and divine connection to Mother Earth and the cosmos.
No, we don’t need men to give us our answers.
No, we don’t need men to tell us how to run our bodies.
No, we don’t need men to “fix” us.
No, we’re not broken and never were and never will be.
Forgiveness
Another point that I didn’t appreciate about my time working at this school is that I was giving a lot more than receiving from them. The energetic exchange was unequal. He told me the goal was to have me teach, (although I told him I was uninterested in teaching there), and yet I hadn’t received any training or guidance except for the cleanout in which he hit resistance and couldn’t work with me past the 3rd chakra. No worries. We’re all just beings trying to make it in the world in these meat suits we call physical bodies.
So why is it I can forgive him for his shortcomings but this “spiritual leader” can’t move past his resistance of me and find some forgiveness in his heart? And I’m the one getting punished??? Wait whaaaat?
Hold up, aren’t spiritual leaders supposed to lead with compassion, love and forgiveness not judgment, invalidation and control? And I think that was the catalyst for me to release all ties with this school and its director and spread my wings to new horizons. He wasn’t being the highest version of himself and wasn’t setting a good example of how to be compassionate, loving and forgiving even when the energy can be thick.
The controls
Part of my healing from this experience has been realizing that part of the controls that were set on me was that I felt as though I had to ground through this school (trainings and working there) and was living a lie that I needed to get my answers and my space from them. I also saw that they used my clairvoyance and other psychic senses as a commodity for their own benefit but I got nothing back in return except their invalidation when I wanted to see and sense more than what they felt was “safe.” The through unconscious energies at me in my 6th and 7th chakras when I accessed higher level information because heaven forbid it not come from the director or one of the teachers trained by the director. Insert eye roll here.
To all the ladies reading this- if a man ever makes you feel unsafe, it’s best to move on rather than trying to fix or heal anything. I’ve seen that when women try to compete with men or control the situation and it usually doesn’t end well and she doesn’t accomplish what she wants to. So that’s what I did- I stepped out of his game and said goodbye. I reset my boundaries and with that, gave myself more permission to have self-love.
So I can now say with much compassion and forgiveness that I’m forever grateful for all that they’ve taught me and this past month has been the exact experience I needed to learn and grow most powerfully. It hasn’t been easy and it took me to reground in a way that’s true for me (not through the psychic school), regain my energetic space in a new way, amusement with the whole scenario, clear their psychic controls on me, mothering myself to remind myself that I’m not inherently wrong for existing and being the way that I am and for encouraging myself to step into my truth and pull away from this school that’s no longer serving me and trust I can still be safe without them. I also saw that they didn’t appreciate my unique point of view and my desire to experiment with my energetic tools in a new way that feels authentic to me.
In our final email communication, the director ended by saying “Also, please do not poach any of the people of [our school] that you have been in communication with. It’s just good form and ends of being a pain in the ass on your end.” This clearly shows he’s working from a place of fear. First of all, the only thing I poach are eggs. Secondly, the word poach reflects fear. If he looked at my energy neutrally and not from a place of fear about the state of his business, he would see that I haven’t directly contacted any students to tell them I was leaving and that they should book a session with me. Honestly, I want to separate myself 100% from this school, so why would I recruit their students? It’s just not how I operate.
And yes, I fully recognize that my abrupt departure is a big pain in the ass for them as they have to reorganize things and for that I’m truly sorry. They lost two teachers in less than a month. But I’ve learned that when things aren’t working and the controls set in, it’s time to leave and create something new rather than trying to “fix” something that’s unfixable. Since leaving, I’ve heard several stories of former students who left the school for similar reasons as I did and have had to go through deprogrammings to clear all the controls that they put on them. Definitely not a good way to teach or run any business for that matter. I’m glad I left when I did.
It’s all just energy in the end and I truly believe that we’re all doing the best we can. Thanks to them, I was able to clear a lot of energy, reset my space, and clear their controls that have been put on me for years. I share this story because I know my story isn’t unique from this school and others like it.
So to my former psychic school and teachers, thank you, next.
